I’m going to post. No, really. I am.

I have tried to return to this blog and post probably half a dozen times since (checks notes) just after last Pennsic. There is a page-long draft of one from April. Nope, I’m not using that. But I am going to push through and finish this, and share it, hell or high water.

I’ve been really struggling with anxiety around the SCA basically since my term of service as royal bard and bardic war general (yeah, remember that??) ended a little over three years ago. Outside of Pennsic, I’ve basically been to almost no events in the last two years. I went to Carolingia’s 50th anniversary event at Falling Leaves last September, stepped up when someone wanted intermezzi music for a commedia performance…and choked so badly I’ve been unwilling to play lute in public since.

There are a number of contributors to this. I have to put some of it on SCA culture, as unchivalrous as that may sound. Years of getting second-hand anonymous criticism for every foot I put wrong, especially people reading into things I posted, has made it almost impossible for me to want to share anything about me as a bard or even a SCAdian in a public way.

Then there was COVID, and the sense that the powers that be in the Society were going to force us to go back to events, unmasked, no matter what people actually wanted or who was at risk. It seriously eroded my trust in the good faith of this organization, and my kingdom in particular if you want the truth.

So, the plain fact is, I have been tired. I have continued to work on the new album, and I am going to bring down this Questing Beast by the end of this year, whatever it takes. (I will have more to share about that…hopefully very soon.) I am going to Pennsic, where I will be teaching, and I will be performing my concert (more about that in a separate post rather than burying it here). And I am going to Known World Cooks and Bards in Aethelmearc on Labor Day weekend, where I will be teaching a new two-part class about home recording (this too will be elaborated separately).

I’ve missed you. All of you. I’m having trouble believing you’ve missed me. (And yes, this is a lie I tell myself, and I know I’m not alone in this.)

I’m not promising some big dramatic comeback to events. I’m still not feeling it. But we’ll see how things go this summer. I really do think you’re going to like the new music when it’s finished. And if you don’t, well, I like it, and that matters as much as anything else.

Peace. Good talk. More soon. (Probably.)